


Broken Beyond Repair

by allofthefandoms



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Depression, Ficlet, Grief, Hurt, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/allofthefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s funny,” Phil choked out, voice think from daily crying.  ”You never did believe me when I said you were the center of my world.  If only you could see me now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Beyond Repair

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my tumblr RP and the feels it has been causing. There is a passing reference to an OMC my Phil married and adopted twins with, but it's really just a minor thing.
> 
> Please heed the tags. This deals with potentially triggering stuff.

It had been over a year. And still the name on the grave burned him like hell-fire. Clint was gone, and it had punched a hole in him that not even his husband—no ex-husband—could fix. Dan had left him 3 months ago, taking the girls with him. He was back in his tiny SHIELD issued apartment, thankful that his work would keep a roof over his head. He wasn’t sure he could manage without it.

It had been a year, and all Phil could do was work and spiral into a empty pit. It wasn’t just that he was sad or depressed. It was far worse than that. It was his heart had become a black hole, sucking everything good out of his life and replacing it with soul crushing nothingness. 

Frankly, Phil was sure Fury kept him on out of pity more than anything else. Everyone could see just how off kilter his world had become, and sometimes just seeing someone in the SHIELD field uniform was enough to set him totally on edge.

The only person who could make a good effort at keeping him together was Natasha. Mostly because Phil knew she felt just as lost as he did. But today none of it was enough. Today it was over.

He sat curled over by Clint’s well tended grave. There hadn’t been a day in the last year that Phil hadn’t visited and there were always fresh flowers. Phil didn’t know if anyone would come once he was gone, but that wouldn’t matter soon.

“It’s funny,” he choked out, voice think from daily crying. ”You never did believe me when I said you were the center of my world. If only you could see me now.” He rolled the tube of sleeping pills in the palm of one hand, letting the 5 pills rattle soothingly.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered, tears running down his face. ”I know this isn’t what you’d want, but I have to be selfish just this once. I just have to end it.” He placed the pills and a water bottle half full of vodka before him like an offering, knowing that at least death will be painless.  
“See you soon.”


End file.
